48 Beers a Day

I was off the next day, and when I came back for a swing shift, JB was in full-on complaint mode. He came to the Tech office to ask to make a phone call, and I made the mistake of asking how he was doing. “Pretty horrible, if you want to know the truth,” he said.

He said he hadn’t seen a doctor the whole time he was in the program, and that his Case Manager was supposed to try to get him to the doctor the next day. Then he went into his story, which I would hear a few dozen times – with slight variations – over the next few days.

“For the last 20 years, I been drinkin’ steady every single day. I started messin’ around with hard liquor, then for the last 10 years I been drinkin’ 48 beers a day. I like my beer cold but I start with my first beer before I get out of bed, it’s right there on the night table. Then I keep right on goin’ till I go to bed.”

I interrupted to ask him if he was able to keep a job.

“Yep, I got a job as an inspector, I’m on my own drivin’ around and don’t have no boss to talk to, so I’m drinkin’ a little all day. Then after I clock out I got an hour drive home, that’s when I really start throwin’ em back.

“Now I decided on my own I was gonna quit drinkin’, and I ain’t gonna drink another beer for the rest a my life. I got the will power, I know it. I don’t need this place nor any place to give me the will power, I just knowed if I quit drinkin’ on my own I’d probly die. So I told my wife to get on the Internet and find me a place where they was doctors to make sure I wouldn’t die.

“So now I’m done with detox and I know I ain’t gonna die, but I’m sufferin’ something terrible. Now, I know there ain’t no magic pill that’s gonna make it all go away, but if I see a doctor he’s got to give me something to take the edge off it.”

I gave him sympathy and told him I was glad his Case Manager was working on getting an appointment. “Well, she better,” he said. “Cause if not, I don’t know if I’m gonna have to check myself into a hospital to get some relief for this. I coulda just stayed home and seen my own doctor if I’d a knowed they wasn’t gonna let me see a doctor…”

After some more complaining, he got on the phone and called his wife. He told her pretty much the same thing about the suffering and not seeing a doctor and not wanting a magic pill but just wanting something to help a little. Then he started talking about having his wife follow specific instructions to get his tractor ready for an oil change. “Now, don’t interrupt me,” he snapped at her, at one point. “One a the things they’re teachin’ us in here is to say what’s on your mind, now this is on my mind and I’m gonna say it. So I want you to get me that filter…”

He seemed to bully her a bit, then when he said all he wanted to say, told her he had to go and hung up abruptly.

 

At the night’s Closing, where everyone goes around and tells how their days were and challenges they’ve had, JB went last. First, he pointed to a couple guys and gave them some advice from the Bible. “The Lord says, ‘I will take away all your suffering,’” he said, or something like it. “But the thing is, first you gotta follow the Ten Commandments. The Lord ain’t gonna do nothin’ for you, til you follow those Ten Commandments.”

Then, he launched into his story, from 48-beers-a-day to wanting to see a doctor, not for a “magic pill” but for a little relief ..

 

When I clocked in for my swing shift the next day, JB was super pissed-off over not seeing the doctor that day. He had some medications that were picked up for him earlier, but said they weren’t enough, he needed to see a doctor to get him some relief, or he was gonna check himself into a hospital or maybe just go on home..

He called his wife and complained to her and bullied her, then at Closing offered spiritual advice to others, then said he might check himself into a hospital tonight, but probably would wait to see if he was going  to the doctor tomorrow.

 

I clocked out of my swing shift at 11, then had a quick turnaround and clocked in at 7 the next day for the day shift. JB was there at the Tech door at 7, asking for his meds – the ones that didn’t really help. I told him I saw he had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon, and he said he better, or he would …

I dropped JB and a couple other clients who had afternoon doctor’s appointments off, then drove the van back to RR to clock out. I told the swing shift Tech that I live by the pharmacy, so if the doctor wrote a script for JB I could pick it up. As the case was, I got a call later to take me up on the offer. It turned out JB had Gabapentin waiting for him at the pharmacy. I noted it was only a 100 mg dosage. Some of the other guys were on doses as high as 600 mg, a couple times a day.

So I didn’t figure it would do him much good, but at least he had something.

 

I was back on the day shift the next morning, and again moments after I clocked in big JB in his white Tshirt and jeans was looming in the doorway, ready for meds. I had told myself not to ask how he was doing, but it popped out of my mouth. “I’m doin’ a little better,” he said. “At least that Gaba” – he made a few attempts to pronounce it – “helps a little.”

He elaborated on the theme more at the Opening, and I snickered to myself a little, thinking, “Well, he’s found his magic pill.”

Then, I remembered other “turn arounds,” and thought maybe now that JB didn’t have to focus on his “suffering,” he’d be able to get some work in and help himself.

But the next day was chaos. JB had found out our program was out of network for his insurance, and he was telling everyone he was gonna have to pay $35,000, he only made $40,000 a year and had two kids and a wife to feed and he wasn’t a rich man and he couldn’t afford it …

 

I heard from one Tech, JS, that JB had chewed his wife out on the phone brutally, blaming her for picking this program to get him into. (“If that was my sister he was talking to,” JS told me, “I woulda punched him.”) JB’s wife was flying from Tennessee to meet him at the airport so he wouldn’t have to fly home alone, whether she didn’t trust him or for all the abuse was dying to see him …

 

JN, another Tech, drove JB to the airport the next day. I learned from JN’s shift report that, before getting out of the van, JB had told him AJ – the “private pay” Client whose family paid for him to be at RR for two months – gave him one of his Gabapentins. I figured it must’ve been that night JB was threatening to go to the hospital or leave, but who knows? A few days before, I had found a pill on the kitchen counter. The Therapist figured out it was Gabapentin, and at the time AJ was the only one on it. AJ came up with some story about how he had taken it out of the Tech office – Clients were supposed to be “observed” by us Techs taking their meds in the office – and meant to get a drink of water, but forgot.

Who knows how many times AJ had under-the-tongued or palmed a few pills and snuck them out?

As for JB, I hope he makes good on his vow. He said a couple times he swore on his kids’ lives he would never drink again, and didn’t need meetin’s or sponsors or anything to help him. He had will power.