“Screw me three times…”

After about three months on the job, I got my first airport pickup. It took a while to get there, the regular van was out so the BH III had me drive my own car to the Welcome Center (not very welcoming, but ..) and pick up the company’s rental car, a pretty-new SUV. The BH III gave me the number of KW, the pickup, so I texted her a few times to give her updates on my arrival.

She texted back, “NO hurry I was totally claustrophobic freaking out on the plane so I need the fresh air.”

When I pulled up, she had her suitcase open on the sidewalk with several items splashed about. She was kneeling on the ground next to it, shoving things around. I told her who I was and she said she was about to lose it, and I believed her. I helped her get her stuff back in the suitcase and a backpack as a security guard told us we really weren’t supposed to be there …

Finally got her big suitcase and backpack in the back of the SUV, and her in the front with her purse. She was talking about 100 mph, and I’m not really sure what about other than having to call someone, as I was focused on trying to figure out the SUV’s GPS – I had to take her to Detox, and had only a vague idea where it was, over on the west side of Phoenix, which I don’t know well. She was about 40 going on 60, obviously had done some hard living, pinkish hair – she was telling me about how many times she had her hair died and didn’t even remember her natural color and how she was really into nature, she did landscaping and design.

“I’m a Bush Witch,” she said, as she fumbled around in her big purse.

I got rolling in what I thought was the right direction as she was asking me if she was allowed to use the phone. I said only if it was quick, and she did a voice text to her “friend.”

I was reasonably sure I was on the right highway, headed in the right direction, so I was able to focus on things she was asking me and try to get her settled down with small talk. She said she was from Texas and had been clean for a couple years, but then on her birthday did a line and that was that, back to heavy meth. She was worried about her dogs, even though her son was taking care of them – “He’s not very responsible.”

I told her it was great she had made the choice to get healthy, and she started going on about how great Rick was, he was the reason she was here. I figured out soon enough Rick – or whatever his name was – is a salesperson for the company. She was so impressed that, even though she wasn’t ready to say Yes, he kept calling back every day; I bit my tongue and didn’t say he was probably on commission as she talked about how she was excited to be going to a program where she could do a lot of exercise (“I don’t want to gain weight and get fat like last time”) and activities – the usual b.s., the sales people shining it up about gourmet food, horseback riding, hiking, massages, all about 5 percent true.

Then, she talked about being a pagan and how it was important this program didn’t have anything to do with religion. I said something like, “Well, when they say ‘God,’ just substitute ‘Nature’” – and she said, “What? This isn’t religious, right?”

I quickly changed the subject, thinking about how I had taken the guys from RR to an AA meeting the night before, and how they closed with The Lord’s Prayer.

Sales bullshitters strike again, I thought.

It was rush hour traffic, bumper-to-bumper, and I had the route figured out so I asked her a few more questions – just general stuff, but soon she was unloading, about how she had got sent to prison when she did something for her ex- that violated his parole or something, maybe put him up when he was on the run. I’m not sure how the story went, she was talking pretty fast and bouncing around, but clearly she blamed him for her three or four years in prison. I said he sounded like a pretty bad influence, and she gave a chortle.

“Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me. Screw me three times, I must like it. But yeah, he’s an asshole and did some bad crap to me.”

She asked if she could call her mom and I started to say no, but caught myself. She wouldn’t be able to call anyone while she was in detox, so why was I being a hard ass? “Go ahead,” I said.

She got her mom on the line and immediately started pelting her with requests and directions relating to checking on her dog and where her car was parked how to get into the house and to check on her son etc. Her mom sounded like a real sweet lady; she kept asking KW to slow down, talk slower I can’t understand what you’re saying …

KW got off the phone and let out a sigh. I told her she sounded like she was relaxing already and she said, yeah, a little, but I’m worried about my dogs … She showed me photos off her phone, which I glanced at when we hit stop lights – we were now off the freeway, on a highway with lights. Then she tried to show me photos of her landscape work. It was hard to see, as her phone screen was cracked, but it looked pretty good from the glances I caught. I told her she seemed like she had an artist’s spirit, and she laughed, saying her “friend” who she lives with (she had said something about being married to another jerk who was trying to control her life and get her to live somewhere she didn’t want to go) told her she keeps a harem, a bunch of lady friends who come over and do art projects and leave the house a wreck. I asked if they were using, too, and she said way more than her, she was trying to get them to quit.

I told her to call and invite them to come join her, so she grabbed her phone again and did what I gathered was a voice group text, speed-talking but I guess her phone was used to it about how they should come to rehab with her, she was forwarding the number of this great guy Rick who would set it all up for them …

I found the Detox and pulled in, hauled her bags out and found someone to check her in. The Nurse had a cast on her leg, and seemed really nice. Then a Tech came over with tuna sandwiches and waters, and KW who probably hadn’t eaten in a couple days started chowing down. KW seemed somewhat relaxed and I told her, “See, you’re in good hands here, right?” She agreed and stood up to give me a hug.

I got out of there as soon as could, as I was being sent on a dreaded shopping mission – I had to spend $675 for a houseful of 15 or so guys, ended up running overtime, four loaded shopping carts and a fifth I had to send back as I ran out of money …

 

A couple days later, when I had downtime I thought to check on how KW was doing in Detox. On the computer system, you can look up “Nursing Progress Notes,” which give three and four-times a day reports on how the folks were doing in Detox.

Nothing in the Nursing Progress Notes tab for KW. Nothing in any of the other tabs, either. I clicked on the “Admission” tab, and figured out they didn’t even finish the intake.

Something must have spooked her, I guessed, whether it was talk of God or fear of her dogs …